


I Won't Say I'm In Love

by sarahjacobs



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: And a Hug, F/F, M/M, sarah and spot are friend goals, spot likes punching things, spot needs a break, spots dad is an ass, there's a hint of newsbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 09:38:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11483691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahjacobs/pseuds/sarahjacobs
Summary: Spot leaves his boyfriend in a restaurant and then feels bad, so he talks to Sarah.





	I Won't Say I'm In Love

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title is from Hercules, its one of my fav disney movies ever

It was crazy, Spot thought, how a four letter word could change your life. It was crazy, he added, how a four letter word could control your life. Once you say them, you can't turn back, you can't take them back because they've already been said and heard. 

"Fuck!" He shouted as he punched the wall of his apartment. Spot immediately regretted it once his knuckles began hurting. He glanced at the skin that was now bleeding and mumbles angrily under his breath.

So what if Spot had panicked and left his boyfriend in the middle of some fancy restaurant, it wasn't his fault. Those four little words gave no warning whatsoever about when they were just gonna show up and ruin your life forever. Spot felt tears prick his eyes and he punched the wall again, this time ignoring the pain in his knuckles. He took a deep breath and walked to the small bathroom to bandage the bruised and bleeding knuckles.

Spot knew what he felt for Race, but just because he knew doesn't mean he wanted to admit it. Spot yelled angrily this time, hating himself for not being able to say it back. It just seemed that everytime he did the person left him. Everyone who spoke that four letter word to him left. His mom, his dad, his brother, his sister...until there was no one left.

Spot's friends always said it, but they were affectionate people and Spot never said it back. And besides, they didn't say it directly to Spot, they usually said it in the groupchat to everyone. They didn't mean it the way Race had or the way Spot's family had. Spot dug in his bedside drawer for a cigarette, lighting it quickly once he found it; but he put it out once he remembered the bet between him and Jack. Spot needed to punch something again, he thought, as his throat began to close up and his breathing was uneven. Real men don't cry, he reminded himself, his fathers voice haunting his thoughts. He sits on the floor and brings his knees up to his chest and waits.

After a while, he places his phone on his dresser before leaving the apartment and heading upstairs. He knocks on the wooden door after a few moments of hesitation.

"Spot?" The girl asks, rubbing her eyes and squinting at the boy in front of her. Spot bites the inside of his cheek to keep from making a comment on the girls minnie mouse pajama's.

"Sarah," Spot says and feels like he should apologize for waking her, but Spot Conlon does not apologize. "Uh can I talk to you?"

"Sarah, who's at the door?" Katherine asks making her way to Sarah's side. Spot has to really bite his cheek this time to keep from commenting on their matching pajama's.

"Alone," Spot adds.

"Sure," Sarah yawns, "I'll be back in a minute, Kath." The curly haired girl nods and kisses her girlfriend's cheek before heading back to bed. They walk into the kitchen and Spot notices how late it actually was.

"Want anything?" Sarah asks as she pours herself a glass of water.

"No," Spot says and Sarah nods in response, taking a seat across from him.

"How was your date?" Sarah asks him after a few moments of silence. Spot forgot he told Sarah about it, he tells Sarah a lot of things.

Spot feels his throat tighten, "Fine." Sarah hums in response and Spot sighs. "Tony said he loves me!"

"And what did you say?" Sarah asks excitedly leaning forward.

"I kinda left him in the restaurant by himself," Spot says after a few moments.

"Sean," Sarah mumbles and Spot keeps himself from banging his fists on the table. "Do you love him?"

Spot doesn't answer so Sarah waits patiently. That's what Spot likes about Sarah, he notes, she's always patient with him. He knew the answer the moment she said it, but thinking it and saying it are two different things. "Of course I do."

"Then why not tell him?" Sarah asks, but she already knows the answer. "Because it's hard to let yourself be happy? Because you think one day you'll wake up and he'll be gone like everyone else?"

Spot glares at a spot on the table.

"Sean, I haven't left. Kath hasn't left, Jack, David, Crutchie, they are all here...we're all here. We aren't going to leave."

"Race is different," Spot mutters, "I don't want to mess things up."

"You can't keep yourself from being happy, Spot. Race isn't your family, he isn't going to wake up one day and leave you behind," Sarah says.

"And if he does?" Spot asks, finally looking up at her.

"Then he'll have a bunch of angry friends after him," Sarah smiles and Spot smiles a little bit. "Seriously, Sean, if you don't want to mess things up with Race then tell him how you feel. If Race cares, and he does, he'll understand and he'll wait. That's the great thing about being in love."

Love. Spot nearly flinched at the word. Sean Conlon loves Antonio Higgins. It was progress, he thought. Spot thought back to their first date, well to Spot it was their first date he knew Race didn't. Before the two were together their friends bet them fifty dollars each that they couldn't stand to go on a date with each other. Of course, Race and Spot both disagreed and went on a "date" that Friday. It was at an old coffee shop Mush had picked out. Race and Spot sat across from each other as their friends all sat squished in a booth watching them to make sure both of them stayed the entire time. The two boys (who were always arguing) went a full hour without fighting and had a good time. Needless to say Spot and Race got fifty dollars.

Spot looked at Sarah with a stupid smile, "I love Race."

Sarah grins at him, "Don't tell me, tell Race." Sarah gets up and presses a kiss to both of Spot's cheeks, something Spot claimed to hate but secretly loved. "Night, Spot."

"Night, Sarah," He says and watches as she disappears back into her room. He lets himself out and makes sure the door is locked before venturing out of the complex. Spot felt giddy as he made his way to Race's, a new feeling Spot kind of enjoyed. But as Spot approaches the building he grew nervous, his hands beginning to sweat. He rubs them on his jeans before making his way to Race's door. Spot takes a deep breath and knocks.

He hears something fall and then a string of curses in Italian before the door finally opens. Race stands there, still in his clothes from the dinner, and Spot opens his mouth to say something but the taller boy is pulling Spot into his chest.

"You scared me, Spot! You weren't answering my messages or anyone's calls!" He says and Spot is speechless. Race pulls away from the hug and Spot wishes he didn't. "I know I shouldn't of said what I did, but I couldn't help it. I love you Spot and if you don't love me back that's fine. I just need-" Spot kissed Race, a feeling that made Spot feel warm and at home, even though he refused to admit it. Race was the first one to pull away and Spot nearly groaned at the loss.

"Race," Spot says after the boy closes the door, "Someone told me I can't keep myself from being happy-"

"You were talking with Sarah, weren't you?"

"Yes! But that is not the point. The point is that I can't help it that I can't say it. But they also told me that everyone who...who loves me won't leave. And that's true because Sarah is still here and Jack and Crutchie and all our friends," Spot says unsure of where all this was coming from, "And you, Race. I still have you and I love you."

Race was practically beaming and hugs Spot tightly once again. Spot sniffles and Race quickly jumps away to look at him. "Oh God, you're crying! I have never seen you cry, before. What do I do? Actually, I've never seen you this affectionate or emotional before, it's kinda cute."

"Shut up!" Spot says and shoves Race slightly.

"And he's back," Race mumbles and Spot smirks at him. "I love you."

"Love you too," Spot responds. "This would be a good time to kiss me." And Race happily obliges.


End file.
